Chapter 160

Should he start preparing for the end of this life from now on? He knew all too well how painful it would be in the next life if he faced a farewell and death without any preparation. Rather than continuing a life where he couldn't even die, feeling crushed as if suffocating under the weight of memories, from now on...

Yes, the timing was good too. Now that Park Jae-seon had become the director, only Han Tae-un and himself were left in the office. He would request to be promoted to team leader and shut himself in the team leader's room. Living as if Han Tae-un didn't exist was something he was familiar with in every life. By severing relationships and closing his heart for the remaining time, he could avoid completely breaking down in the next life.

You have to stop.

The moment he decided to sort things out, the first thing that came to mind was the Team 7 office with the homeroom teacher of the last-place class and two students. His throat tightened as if spitting out accumulated memories. Then, words tying up the knot of memories flowed out.

"Why, only me..."

Why did this curse only reset him? Why.

After failing this much and failing again, why not find another hero, why did it have to be him? If he was going to repeat time like a machine, why not erase emotions along with it, why made him like moments that will disappear?

He wanted to pray that even if he couldn't revive forever after two years, just let it end in this life. What was more frightening than the approaching death was the future where he would be left alone.

"Jin Soram? What, you're here. Why didn't you answer when you're inside? What are you doing in the corner?"

A familiar voice invaded as the door opened. He strode quickly towards Soram but stopped abruptly.

"...Are you crying? What's wrong with you? What happened?"

When he lifted his head, Han Tae-un in a patient gown was looking at him, not knowing what to do. He too had bandages wrapped around various parts of his body, having been injured together in the Bukhansan dungeon.

"Are you in pain somewhere? If it hurts, you should... No. I'll bring a doctor. Wait here."

"It's not that. Forget it."

"If it's not that, why are you crying alone! Look here."

The dialect that Tae-un had corrected a lot over the past time burst out as he was greatly flustered. He cupped Soram's cheeks and lifted his face. Hands trembling even though it wasn't his own problem, an expression that had turned serious, full of worry. Tae-un looked at Soram with a gaze he had never received even once in his life.

"Are you okay..."

At that moment, heat rushed to his face. His heart pounded his chest, making his breathing rise and fall violently. Sudden tears welled up to his chin. Along with it, uncontrollable heat spread to his head.

He felt strange. The unfamiliar situation of being unable to control his emotions spreading outward was unsettling. It seemed like an emotion close to discomfort.

What is this, anxiety?

Thump, thump.

"Why are you spacing out again? Did some beast pass by? Listen to music. I have my earphones."

Or is it fear? Trauma?

"Jin Soram."

Ah, could it be that he was feeling betrayed? Because even he, who had taught him how to escape with "Magic Castle," would forget all of this in the next life.

Reason tried to stop him, saying this was an unfair emotion, but now he didn't have the capacity to endure it.

You won't remember anything in the next life. You'll forget everything and start anew alone. Then you shouldn't have left me with memories like this. That you could be someone who worries about me like this...

You shouldn't have let me know.

His increasingly pounding heart felt like it would bring up nausea. The unpleasant turmoil wouldn't stop.

"Get out."

Why only me, why only me.

That resentment extended to the person in front of him.

"Why did you come in on your own? I said get out!"

"...What's wrong? Are you angry? How can I leave when you're crying?"

"Who asked for that kind of thing!"

"Jin Soram..."

"You, you seem to think you're something to me, but I'm telling you it's annoying now. Stop coming into my space. Stop bothering someone who's just staying still. Don't talk to me!"

What welled up became a blade spat out from his mouth.

"I never asked you to take care of me. It was all your own doing. I don't need it anymore, so get out!"

He panted from the aftermath of the shout he had recklessly let out. Tae-un didn't say anything. He only showed a certain expression to Soram.

Ah. He's hurt.

...In the end, even this is the same. Falling out with Han Tae-un and inflicting all sorts of wounds.

Soram thought this with a sensation as if his whole body was being pressed down.

***

If Soram had been an ability user who handled water, then he would probably have become an ability user who handled wind or trees. Or like Director Park Jae-seon, he would have gained an ability to freeze water and help him or create synergy.

Because Soram could fly in the sky, Tae-un was certain that he had a similar ability. The ability to interfere with others' powers might have also come from subconsciously noticing that he struggled with controlling his power. It was an almost certain hypothesis within Tae-un.

Han Tae-un's awakening origin was Jin Soram.

In the winter of his eighteenth year, he felt a great longing for the first time in his life when he saw a boy crying while facing monsters on TV. When he actually met the boy and had to be with him and then let him go, that desperate emotion grew even stronger.

Director Park Jae-seon seemed to know as soon as he saw it. The research lab staff also asked "Perhaps...?" after testing his ability.

But only he himself didn't know.

Only himself.

It didn't matter if he didn't know about the feelings he had harbored one-sidedly, but Tae-un had admired Soram as a hero and liked him as a friend. The things he had done for Soram so far didn't deserve such a sharp reaction.

What he disliked more was his mind that was making excuses for Soram one after another.

He might be sensitive having just gotten up from his sickbed. He might have gotten irritated for a moment because his crying was seen. The fact that he was trying to understand that behavior on his own when the person in question hadn't said anything made him feel more hurt in his pride and miserable.

There had been no contact from Soram since then. The hospitalization period passed without them meeting as they had separate rooms. Tae-un sent a message first a few days later. Although he wasn't over his anger either, so his tone was brusque, it was asking how Soram was doing.

Soram didn't even read it, let alone reply. Tae-un also stopped trying to reach out. He was the one who should receive an apology. He would catch his attention.

So... this was really the last time.

Knock knock.

"Jin Soram. Ahem..., are you ready?"

His voice cracked for a moment. He tried not to show it, but nervousness came. On the first day of returning to the office after sick leave, there was no answer from the next room.

Knock knock.

He knocked on the door once more, pretending not to care.

"..."

Soon his face flushed hot. His mood sank lower than the dark clouds hanging near the rooftop.

I'll ignore him too now. If I ignore him, that's the end of it.

Tae-un turned his body sharply. Then he turned back again and locked the door connected to the next room. He left for the office alone. Now he wouldn't answer even if Soram spoke to him first.

He came to find me in Guncheon first, he told me I would awaken, and even after coming to Seoul, he taught me this and that.

Tae-un entered Team 7's office. Vowing not to even greet Soram when he came later.

But the plan was broken from the start. Soram had already come to the office first.

"Ah, Han Tae-un."

"..."

"You came?"

Soram waved one hand in greeting.

Gulp.

To you, I'm someone you can casually talk to in this situation, huh.

As Tae-un sat down with a thud without a word, Soram scratched the back of his neck with a troubled expression watching him.

"Umm..."

It seemed he had thought to pass it over vaguely by exchanging greetings, but there was no intention to accept it easily...

"I'm sorry about that time."

Tae-un didn't turn his head towards Soram from the window, but his eyes moved.

"I wasn't in my right mind after the 1st-grade rift burst. I guess I was very on edge. While resting, I reflected a lot, going over what I had said."

"..."

"It doesn't seem like something to apologize for just with words, so tell me how I can make you feel better. I'll do whatever you want. Do you want to hit me?"

"Y-you, where would you have for me to hit?"

He hadn't expected to receive such a formal apology. The sudden change in attitude, or rather... the excessively humble posture was also bewildering.

Anyway, that was really because he was in pain...

"You know I'm a bit mentally unstable from seeing me cry and wail hearing cows moo. Think of those words I said then as being due to the shock from the dungeon and forget them."

It was a scene... shocking enough. The fact that Soram had a weak side unlike his outward appearance was also something only Tae-un knew. This time, the shoulders that had been turned away sharply turned forward.

"...Why didn't you answer my messages?"

"I didn't look at my phone at all. I don't even know where it is now. It's probably dead."

I see.

Hearing this, the reasons became understandable. Even his head, which had remained stubbornly turned away until now, gradually turned forward. His pointed feelings began to crumble without any principles.

Soram, whom he was facing after a long time, looked much thinner. Given his personality, he must have just lain still without properly eating.

"What were you crying about in the hospital room?"

"Just. Because I'm an idiot who can't do anything."

"..."

One answer that came out in the midst of the smoothly continuing conversation was particularly grating. Before he could ask why, Soram brought his thinned face closer.

"Han Tae-un. Can I ask you something?"

"...Yeah."

"Do you want to continue being a hunter?"

Continue? It was something he had never even thought about, taking it for granted.

"You've seen horrible things this time, and you know that this organization isn't as glossy as it looks from the outside. No matter how much you risk your life fighting, others won't even recognize half of your efforts."

"..."

"Wouldn't it be better to quit and do whatever else you want to do? You were good at studying originally. There might be some noise since you're a 1st-grade awakener, but media manipulation is easy, and anything is possible if you hire expensive lawyers and lobbyists. I can take care of all that part. Think of it as having experienced being a hunter for half a year and returning to normal life."

"You, what are you saying?"

Although the words had continued calmly, it felt like he had been hit on the head. He slowly chewed over what Soram had said.

The more he interpreted the meaning, the more the blood seemed to drain from his fingertips. The mood that had improved for a very brief moment after reconciling plummeted.

"You want me not to be a hunter?"

"Yes."

"..."

Was this a question that could be answered without any hesitation like this?