Side Story 1. Private Rescue (9)

***

The small room was bluish. It was still a dim time. As he blinked his eyes to regain his vision, he saw the blanket color had changed from earlier.

He felt a dull pain in his waist and buttocks. He moved his legs sluggishly under the new blanket. Between his legs, he only felt the touch of cotton shorts, with no sticky feeling at all. He vaguely remembered Tae-un carrying him into the bathroom when he was half asleep. It seemed his skill at washing him was improving day by day.

However, the person who should have been lying next to him was not there. Soram sat up.

Soram was relatively used to Tae-un getting up first and disappearing in the morning. Letting Soram sleep a bit more, he would prepare for work or go out to make breakfast. Since he could hear enough movement outside the door, he rarely had to look for him.

But now, sound-absorbing tiles densely covered the entire room. The tiles, attached to protect Soram who was afraid of cow sounds, had also swallowed up the presence of Tae-un who was surely outside.

Seeing that the spot next to him was cold, it seemed he had been gone for a while. Considering the time it took to wash him and tidy up, it meant he had barely slept.

Soram got out of bed and put his feet on the floor.

***

Without having to search for long, Tae-un was quickly found. He was sitting on the sofa in the darkness, staring blankly at the middle of the living room. Breaking his usual posture of sitting up straight, he rested both elbows on his knees, his gaze lowered.

Where his eyes were directed was the place where the two had parted in their previous life. An afterimage was drawn over the living room. Himself, deeply asleep and not breathing, and Tae-un desperately embracing him.

Tae-un was staring at that spot, not even noticing that Soram had come out. Soram's hands dropped down as he watched him.

I guess there was no way we could be okay.

Neither me, nor you.

To erase Soram's memories and send him to a new life, Tae-un had remained in the previous life and pushed his back with all his might. And he had seen all the final moments with his own eyes. What even Soram, who had learned partings and giving up over hundreds of years, couldn't properly accept, he had calmly embraced at the young age of his early twenties.

Were you like that until I disappeared from that place?

Among Soram's memories, there were many parts unknown to Tae-un, but conversely, Soram thought he knew all of Tae-un's moments. Because Soram also had all the memories of the previous round and this round that Tae-un possessed. But there was just one gap. Tae-un left behind after he had gone to the next life first.

Soram walked briskly towards him. And he blocked the living room from his view. Only then did Tae-un notice Soram and look up.

Soram pondered what to say right away. Knowing what that anxiety was made it harder for words to come out easily. His whole body tingled as if ice clinging to his skin like frost was melting away.

Han Tae-un, I'm sorry.

It hurts my heart so much to see you carrying the scars left by the past, but on the other hand, I love you more because you have the same scars.

Yesterday, he had been curled up on this sofa. Thanks to that, he could immediately recall the words that would be most crucial to him now. He pulled Tae-un's hand and brought it to his left chest.

"I'm here."

"..."

"I'm alive..."

Soon, strength entered the pulled hand, and Soram's body was firmly grasped. His waist was pulled forward sharply. Soram, drawn into Tae-un, was seated on his knees and pushed into his arms.

Soram, who had been exhaling softly, opened his lips.

"We've become this okay since coming here for the first time, so if we come two, three... ten more times, we'll be much more okay."

"Yeah."

"Let's come again together."

"Yeah."

Like blind people, no, like people who couldn't believe with just their own eyes, they touched each other to confirm their existence. Then Tae-un embraced Soram again as if to crush him.

"I can't breathe."

"Just a moment."

"..."

"Stay like this for just a moment."

The weight pressing on his thighs, the volume filling his arms, the warmth, the voice coming from closest. The desire to engrave the other's existence using everything. Because he knew what that feeling was, Soram didn't say anything more and stayed in that place.

Their faces met at a very close distance where their breaths could reach. Even without putting any strength into his body, he supported the center.

"When I left for this life first... were you like this?"

Tae-un didn't answer, but his breath leaked out trembling. Soram embraced him tightly with both arms.

Painful memories sometimes awaken and confuse reality. That moment experienced in reality is so intensely imprinted in the eyes that it can attack like phantom pain even while living a peaceful daily life. The only way to know it's not real is to constantly check.

Even after a very long silence with only each other's breathing, the two remained close. Soram was flattened on top of Tae-un, who was leaning against the back of the sofa, wrapping him with his arms and legs.

Amidst the quietness, trivial and meaningless conversations flowed out softly.

It would be nice if a junior joined the flying team next year. Flying hunters really don't come out. How many more years will Ayoung have to be the youngest... Maybe the headquarters should use an integrated office for all teams like the Busan branch.

What if Ayoung gets a boyfriend? We should check if he's a decent guy. He should be at least 1st-grade. Right! And he should be able to beat Soram. ...Isn't that too harsh a condition?

There will be many events again in March. There will be regular press conferences too. Haah, it's going to be really noisy after the Great Rift. I'm already annoyed. But we shouldn't go too far now. Because we're going to live for a long, long time in this life...

In contrast to being in close contact without gaps, their gestures towards each other were plain. The two barely touched their fingers to the breath under the other's nose, the lips moving when speaking, the pulse at the back of the neck, and so on.

There might be no physical desire left after fully indulging the night before, but now they just wanted to completely take in each other with their eyes, confirming each other's body heat and weight. The lack of nutrition in their conversation was for the same reason. The sensation of being in direct contact was more important now than the sounds scattered from their mouths.

They endured the night like that. Occasionally erasing hazy fantasies that arose with each other's body heat.

As the cold night passed, the dark blue sky gradually brightened. The darkness that had accompanied the last moments of the two in their previous life also gradually retreated.

"Han Tae-un."

"Yeah."

"That's the sun rising, right?"

The sun revealed itself, illuminating the snow-covered field. Tae-un nodded while looking in the same direction. That movement was directly transmitted to Soram, who was leaning on his shoulder.

The night where the two from the previous life had to stop had safely passed this time.

It felt like the nightmare was disappearing very slowly, as if dawn was being cleared away. The living room, which had been without a single point of light, gradually took shape. TV, computer, floor patterns...

"Can you still not answer when I tell you not to save me?"

"...Yeah."

"..."

He didn't even have the energy to argue. No... this part might be an area where Soram would have to lose to him forever. He probably couldn't change a person who had loved in this way for so many lifetimes that he couldn't even remember.

Then.

Soram changed his wish to something else.

"Han Tae-un, live long. For a very, very long time."

Tae-un answered this one readily.

"Okay."

It was a greeting befitting the day before the new year.

From when the sun started to rise until everything brightened, the two sat side by side in front of the window. When morning had fully arrived, the sound of cows waking up was heard.

Muuu– Muuu–

"Are you not scared anymore?"

"That's really not scary."

As noon approached, their eyelids grew languid. Only then did they return to the bedroom. It was a very lazy daytime nap.

It was also a peaceful sleep without any nightmares.

***

Soram woke up before Tae-un, who had stayed up almost all night. Soram stared intently at Tae-un's face, still sound asleep. After observing him enough to memorize the direction of each eyebrow hair and the minute muscle movements when breathing, he got up groggily.

'Hmm, would he be surprised if I just went out alone...'

After pondering for a moment, Soram took off the T-shirt he was wearing. He also took off his pants under the blanket and left them in the shape of a person lying next to Tae-un. After creating the fake Soram, he went out to the living room in his underwear.

Outside was Tae-un's hooded zip-up, already dry after washing. Soram put it on. It was generously loose and covered his buttocks, hiding his drawers completely. It didn't matter anyway since they were alone.

Soram went to the spot where Tae-un had been sitting the day before.