Vol 6 Chapter 31

That tone was the voice of the Jin Je-hwan Kapros knew, the same voice as Yu-wan, which he even found nostalgic.

Kapros met Je-hwan's eyes again, looking straight at him. The water in his eyes looked like an unfathomable deep sea.

It was frustrating not knowing what Je-hwan was thinking.

Perhaps Je-hwan was thinking the same thing while looking into Kapros's eyes.

Kapros looked at the other side of that deep sea that seemed about to fall and quietly opened his mouth.

"There was something I wanted to say when I saw you."

Looking at Je-hwan's stiff face, Kapros continued more calmly than he had expected.

"I'm sorry about what happened this afternoon. I realized belatedly that it was my fault. I didn't know because my head was so full of personal circumstances I hadn't told you about, and I didn't have the composure to explain calmly. I'm sorry for acting insensitively on my own, and for everything else too."

Surprised by the unexpected words, Je-hwan opened his mouth and then closed it again.

"After that, I thought about it, and among the things I've heard from you so far, there were words about not seeing me as a friend or something similar, but you never properly explained exactly what you meant by that. So suddenly I couldn't be sure anymore. I said I would think about what you said before, but what exactly about you should I have been thinking about?"

"I... am..."

Je-hwan, his eyes wide open, slowly began to speak but then closed his mouth. He seemed to try to speak a few more times, but then buried his head in Kapros's shoulder next to his face.

Although it was already heavy, it became a little heavier, but after finally saying the apology he had wanted to make and expressing what he had been thinking since hearing Min-hoo's words, Kapros's heart felt a little lighter. Looking at the ceiling in the darkness instead of the invisible face, Kapros said what he really wanted to say.

"Jung Min-hoo, that Kran guy you saw earlier, told me that the reason you shouted and acted like that earlier was probably because you like me a lot."

Je-hwan's hands, which had been pressing down on Kapros's arms, tightened again.

"I'm not sure, but he said that liking someone means having someone you consider more important than family or friends, and when you have such a person, you do things that might seem excessive to others. Like making a fuss even over just a cold."

"..."

"And do you know what the last thing he taught me was?"

The breath touching between Kapros's neck and shoulder alternated between hot and cold with each of Je-hwan's breaths.

Kapros smiled faintly, recalling Min-hoo's last advice.

"He said not to pretend not to know after I've clearly understood."

The tall body almost crushing Kapros stiffened.

"So that's what I intend to do from now on."

Even after Kapros finished speaking, Je-hwan remained silent for a while. After a long time, when he raised his head and their eyes met, the tears had dried up.

With a seemingly resolute, expressionless face, Je-hwan opened his lips at a distance close enough that their noses almost touched.

"I don't know emotions like making a fuss over something like a cold."

"Yeah."

I don't know either.

"Right now, I can't move of my own will here. Even though I know you'll dislike it. It's probably the same with other things. It's not something I can control with my will."

What's that supposed to mean? He had asked Je-hwan to express his feelings, but this didn't seem quite right.

Even as Kapros looked at him with a sour expression, Je-hwan's face didn't change as he slightly lowered his head and kissed Kapros's forehead.

"But this is the first time since I was born that I couldn't control my body with my own will."

Next, he kissed below Kapros's eye, which was still wet from his tears.

"Especially the water falling from my eyes, I've never seen that before. It was very painful earlier."

Finally, he touched Kapros's lips silently.

"My feelings are... yes. I don't have the confidence to hear all you have to say... I can't control myself well when it comes to you. I'm sorry. But I want to love you in my own way."

After he finished speaking, a slightly trembling sigh touched Kapros's lips, and then Je-hwan slowly released his grip on Kapros's wrists and raised his body, moving away. Kapros kept his eyes closed and silently tried to organize the thoughts swirling in his head.

It took quite a long time to roughly sort out everything that was unraveling like an endless thread.

After a while, when he opened his eyes, he saw Je-hwan sitting beside him, looking at his face. Perhaps because of the distance, he could no longer make out the detailed facial expressions.

Kapros raised his hand, which was still throbbing from being held tightly for so long, and brushed his hair back.

"...Earlier, why did you suddenly attack me, forcibly pin me down, and press your lips against mine?"

After a moment of silence, Kapros could faintly see Je-hwan opening his mouth in the darkness.

"Because liking you means wanting to touch not just your lips, but all of you..."

"Don't subtly avoid answering and speak properly."

Then a sigh was heard, as if Je-hwan had no choice.

"I was... angry."

"Why?"

"I... even after I left, I kept thinking about you, but when I came back, you were giving your attention to another guy."

"Which other guy? Min-hoo? No, Kran?"

"..."

The atmosphere changed ominously again, as if telling Kapros not to say any more. Somehow, the voice speaking in short, choppy sentences like a child was starting to sound even cute to Kapros.

"But why Min-hoo of all people? Did Min-hoo and I look like we had that kind of relationship?"

"...That's not it."

Je-hwan's expression was strangely frowning.

"Because at that moment, I realized that you really wouldn't care even if I disappeared."

As soon as he heard those words, Kapros felt the frustration from earlier resurface, and he wanted to say that he had never thought that way, but he still had more to ask, so he held back for now.

"Then why did you cry earlier?"

Je-hwan hesitated to answer again. Kapros waited, looking at him persistently.

"...Because I,"

"Yes?"

"am selfish."

"..."

No matter how much he thought about it, Kapros couldn't understand what this meant. He'd have to ask again later.

So, had they reached some sort of conclusion now?