Chapter 161

"Hmm... Did I say something wrong again... Ah, this is absolutely not because I dislike you. We can still be friends even if you're not a hunter. Let's meet outside the headquarters sometimes."

This wasn't an issue where he could argue or refute to maintain his pride. Tae-un's head, which had just managed to face Soram, quickly dropped down again.

"Am I a burden because I can't fight as well as you?"

The twenty-year-old pride, full of youthful spirit, crumbled with a crunch.

"Ah, that's not it..."

Soram trailed off awkwardly, without explaining any other reason. To Tae-un, this series of conversations came as a greater shock than when he had burst out in anger, or even the one-sided ignoring.

The person he wanted to fight alongside saying that he didn't need "hunter" Tae-un was no different from denying his awakening origin.

Deolkeok.

"Han...!"

It was difficult to sit in the same place any longer. He felt embarrassed, pathetic, and nauseous to the point of wanting to throw up.

Bang!

He went up to the dormitory recklessly and closed the door. When he saw the room he had liked because it was next to Jin Soram's, his eyes grew hot.

"Shit..."

His vision blurred, and tears fell drop by drop onto the entrance where he hadn't even taken off his shoes. Fortunately, the sensor light soon turned off, hiding the water marks.

It seemed like the first time he had cried like this since elementary school. That's how much something inside him had been deeply gouged out.

"Han Tae-un."

At that moment, the door connected to the next room shook. Tae-un startled and roughly wiped his face, then realized he had locked that door when he left in the morning. Thank goodness...

Bang!!!

Soram pushed the door roughly. The lock couldn't withstand the strength of a 1st-grade hunter and was torn out.

"I'm sorry, but we don't have time to fight like youths, build up emotional walls... I've already wasted a few days digging while sorting out my thoughts."

Kuung―!

The creaking door panel finally fell to the floor, and blue mist swirled faintly around before disappearing.

"You, what are you..."

Tae-un stepped back as if he had encountered a robber. His back touched the entrance door.

Retreating wasn't a very good choice. The sensor light at the entrance that had turned off came on, clearly revealing Tae-un's face. Soram looked surprised, then frowned.

"Were you crying?"

"No!"

"..."

"I said no!"

Soram trudged towards Tae-un. Tae-un, who had said he wasn't crying, covered his face with his arm and pressed himself against the spot where he had nowhere else to retreat.

"I know I hurt you... What should I do to make you feel better? I want to treat you well."

"...Why?"

Even in this situation, his ears perked up wanting to hear the reason.

"Because we really don't have much time left."

"What..."

Soram came even closer to Tae-un. Then, when he was right in front of him, his head lowered sharply.

"What are you doing!"

Soram knelt without hesitation on the entrance floor, one of the dirtiest places in the house. With an expression completely calm, in contrast to the shocked Tae-un.

"Will this make you feel better? I was wrong."

"Why are you like this? Why are you doing this..."

Tae-un sat down in front of him in the same way. Soram had become strange. No, the Soram in front of him seemed like a completely different person. He couldn't understand why their relationship, which had been going well, had become like this overnight. Even the resentment from the past few days that he thought had disappeared welled up again.

"Did I, really do something wrong? Stop this..."

"...What should I do if you cry more. Shit, I make you cry right after deciding to absolutely treat you well for the remaining time, throwing away my mental health. I really can't do anything right."

Soram placed his hand on Tae-un's shoulder. It was just a hand touching, but Tae-un flinched in surprise.

"Han Tae-un, what was wrong with what I said earlier? What point was problematic that made you run out? My mind isn't working properly right now, so you need to tell me."

Certainly, Soram now... all his words and actions seemed rough and impulsive. Tae-un spoke, swallowing his sniffles.

"...You said, I was useless. As a hunter."

"Ah...?"

"Did I make some big mistake at Bukhansan? I'll fix it... if it's because I'm not helpful, I'll increase my training, so you should be honest."

"Aha. I see. So that's how it sounded. That wasn't my intention."

"Then what was it?"

"Literally, don't do things like being a hunter."

Tae-un stood up abruptly and grabbed Soram's arm, pulling him up too.

"I'll go to the research lab and ask them to make a training menu. You go to the office. It's not quitting time yet."

Tae-un knows he's not a person with low self-esteem. He didn't grow up in an environment where he particularly compared himself to others, and he had an indifferent personality that didn't care about others.

But after developing feelings for someone, he experienced a lifetime's worth of comparison and frustration. Unfortunately, the person he liked had become a hero at eighteen, was incomparably stronger than himself, and even after spending half a year at the headquarters, the gap hadn't narrowed at all.

Soram, who had been staring at Tae-un's face, opened and closed his mouth without answering. Words he wanted to say tried to burst out but were suppressed repeatedly, letting out air. Finally, he closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Why did your thoughts jump there? You're really too naive."

"..."

"It's really not that. Why would I think you're useless because you're weak..."

Soram grabbed his own bangs, seeing Tae-un's still stiff expression. After frowning in that position for a while, he slowly raised his head.

"I've told you every time. Don't work hard. That it becomes useless anyway."

Soram firmly grasped Tae-un's arm.

"You and I will die within 2 years at the shortest, 3 years at the longest."

Tae-un furrowed his brows, unable to immediately comprehend the absurd statement.

"So quit this shitty hero play and do whatever you want now. I'll do everything I can for you in this life."

"...This life?"

Tae-un very slowly picked out the strange word.

Soram's mouth opened.

I made a wish. Before awakening, sitting in a corner of the house, watching people fighting monsters on the news.

That night, I made the same wish again while looking out the window, locked in my room.

That I wanted to become a hero who saved the world and be loved too.

It was a wish that had now become impossible to fulfill forever.

***

He told Park Jae-seon that they both needed one more day of rest due to the aftereffects of their injuries. He immediately approved their leave until the next day.

Soram and Tae-un barely left the entrance and sat on the sofa. It was a silence like being inside a tangled black ball of thread. Soram was quietly watching Tae-un, who was lost in thought.

"You say you repeated time."

Tae-un, who had once guessed Soram's awakening fact, fortunately didn't treat it as nonsense. He just muttered, "So that's why you didn't tell me how you knew."

"It was bearable before the number of regressions exceeded one hand. My experience accumulating was more advantageous than the dungeons getting stronger, and I thought I could save the world someday."

Soram's fingertips tapped the sofa like the sound of clock hands.

"Now my body can't control the forcibly accumulated ability, and my mind crushed under the memories of failure can't endure anymore. In the upcoming Great Rift, I'll show the most pathetic performance of anyone before dying."

"..."

"So I just want you too, to only do what you want during the remaining time."

Soram rummaged through his pocket. A snow-white magic stone he had deliberately brought was placed between them. It was a magic stone that could read others' thoughts.

"It's an unbelievable story. Read it. You'll be able to see part of my memories."

Tae-un looked at the fist-sized magic stone worth tens of billions, then pushed it towards Soram.

"I believe you have no reason to tell me such a lie."

He was lost in thought for a moment, then asked.

"But why did you come to find me? Director Park Jae-seon, Chief Kim Ga-eul. There must be many people you were involved with. Was I perhaps the closest friend?"

"No. I didn't have friends. Especially with you, most of the time we lived as enemies."

"..."

That made it even more puzzling. Why, you keep...

"Han Tae-un, you saved me and died in the first life."

He saved the most pathetic version of himself across all lives, while his entire body was burning.

"During the repeated regressions, you would save me and die when I was about to forget, and even when we were severely estranged and I deliberately pushed you away, you would come and die. How many times was it?"

He remembered all those deaths, but Soram pretended to count on his fingers as if confused. However, his fingers folded exactly the number of times.

"It's almost every time, except when I died without being able to do anything, or when you died much earlier. I'm going crazy wondering why..."

"..."

"Do you know why you did that?"

"We-well. I'm not sure either."

"Well, I guess so."

Soram hadn't expected an answer when he asked either.

"...Why didn't you reveal this to people? To survive the Great Rift, wouldn't it be better for you to command the Rift Phenomenon Management Headquarters with the information you know, rather than staying as a mere chief?"

"There was exactly one time when I revealed to the world that I had regressed."

"Once?"

"It was the only time I died somewhere other than in a dungeon."

"Then why are you telling me?"

"Do as you please. Sell me out or tell others somewhere, I don't care about any of it."

"I won't do that."

"I thought you wouldn't, but I really mean I don't care."

It was silence again. This was because Tae-un, who usually had a lot to say to Soram, couldn't easily open his mouth now. Soram quietly waited through every gap in the conversation.

"It must have been very hard."

The words that came out after a long while were somewhat unexpected.

"It's not to the point of needing comfort from a twenty-year-old kid. Because I haven't accomplished anything properly over the long time."

"...Is it because of the origin of wanting to become a hero, that you keep repeating life until you save the world?"

"I'm not sure. It's just my guess for now, and no matter how much I researched, I couldn't figure out the cause of the regression. I can't even clearly remember if that was really my most desperate wish at the time."

What would happen from now on didn't matter. That's how he had sorted out his thoughts for the few days after getting angry at Tae-un in the hospital room.

"I liked you too much in this life, and I want to treat you well until the end. Besides the guilt of making you awaken early because of me, it's just... there's no one who's been as close to me as you."

"..."

"So, I want to grant whatever you wish for during the remaining time before I go."

"...So that's why you told me earlier to quit being a hunter and live comfortably?"

"Yes. All your strange interpretations were your misunderstandings."

"Who wouldn't misunderstand that?"

"Anyway, that's what I meant. If there's anything you want to do, I'll grant it no matter what."

Soram looked at Tae-un's expression and continued speaking.

"Instead, no. It's not really 'instead,' but I have just one request. I hope you'll answer, whether out of goodwill towards me or sympathy."

"What is it? I'll grant what I can even without going that far."

"Tell me your awakening origin."

Soram moved almost an arm's length closer to Tae-un.

"After knowing that I could live with you like this, I, I don't think I'll be able to look at you with a sane mind in the next life. Anyway, you in this life and you in the next life don't know each other. So please tell me. It's not difficult to tell your origin, right? Please."

Tae-un seemed to have understood the meaning of what Soram had said.

"...You're trying not to make me a hunter in the next life?"