Chapter 18

"He might be even stronger than you, Great Senior Brother."

If he were a narrow-minded person, he might have gotten angry at that answer. However, Gong Hyeok-rin was different.

"Stronger than me at that age... I'd love to fight him someday."

Rather than feeling hurt that someone younger was stronger than him, Gong Hyeok-rin's eyes sparkled with anticipation. Unlike Cheong-ra, he was someone who enjoyed intense fights in a different sense. Yet, he soon kindly comforted Cheong-ra out of concern.

"This is the first time Junior Brother has suffered such a defeat. Don't be too disheartened. There are countless strong people in the world."

"I'm not that disheartened."

Cheong-ra replied calmly. For him, who always expected to lose, this incident wasn't something to be too disheartened about. Rather, it was the opposite. However, Gong Hyeok-rin added words of comfort as if he understood Cheong-ra's feelings.

"Once you've fully recovered, I'll give you a proper sparring match."

"Isn't that more for your sake than for Junior Brother's? Since Mu-gwang ran away, you have no one to spar with."

"Don't misinterpret my pure intentions for Junior Brother, Geum-hye."

The two bickered for a while before leaving, telling Cheong-ra to rest well. After their visit, fellow disciples and elders, including Ju Mu-gwang, also stopped by. Lim Jeong and the junior brothers, with a splint on his right arm, came to apologize with solemn faces. Lim Jeong, in particular, seemed to feel deep guilt, thinking that Cheong-ra had ended up like this because of his mistake.

"I'm sorry, Senior Brother Baek Ri. If only I hadn't attacked the Venomous Horned Serpent there, you wouldn't have had to suffer such humiliation."

"No, Junior Brother Lim."

Cheong-ra hesitated as he helped Lim Jeong up, who had immediately knelt and apologized upon seeing him. The defeat against Dang Ran-yeong was never considered humiliating or shameful to him. Rather, he had clearly derived an extremely private and inappropriate pleasure from it. Therefore, he felt apologetic to Lim Jeong, and as soon as he came to his senses, there was something that had been bothering him inwardly.

"On the contrary, I... showed an unsightly appearance. To be so helplessly beaten by that Dang Ran-yeong, I must have looked hideous in front of you all."

Cheong-ra's voice trembled slightly as he spoke. He had always tried his best to look good in front of the people of Moon Lake Sect, both in appearance and behavior. That's how precious they were to him. Being continuously whipped by Dang Ran-yeong and rolling on the ground was certainly not a beautiful or pleasant sight. As Cheong-ra's face darkened at the thought, Lim Jeong and the junior brothers were flustered.

"No, Senior Brother! Unsightly appearance, hideous look, how could that be?"

"That's right. The ugly one is that vile Dang Ran-yeong!"

"I-I couldn't take my eyes off you, Senior Brother, even when you were broken, because you looked so desolate and beautiful..."

There was a brief silence after a junior brother stammered out those words while trying to comfort Cheong-ra. The blushing junior brother was poked in the side by someone and let out a yelp before shutting his mouth tightly.

Cheong-ra was momentarily puzzled. How could submitting and crawling on the ground be desolate and beautiful? Even the handsome and good-looking evil faction martial artists always ended up looking wretched and hideous after being miserably defeated by Cheong-ra.

"There's no need to force yourself to say empty words for my sake... The junior brothers' thoughtfulness is truly kind."

Saying that, he deliberately lowered his eyes in a desolate manner. When he even let out a soft sigh, the junior brothers became restless.

"Senior Brother! How can you say that?"

"No matter when, where, or what clothes you wear, Senior Brother, you would always look noble."

"If it weren't for Senior Brother Baek Ri, we would have been severely injured."

The junior brothers went to great lengths to comfort the dejected Cheong-ra. Only after seeing their efforts did Cheong-ra finally feel relieved. In any case, it seemed fortunate that his appearance didn't look too unsightly to the junior brothers. As Cheong-ra smiled, the junior brothers finally left his quarters with relief.

Cheong-ra appreciated the kind consolation from the people who cherished him. However, while rejoicing in their comfort, he also felt a bitter emotion. It was because he realized that his way of thinking was definitely different from ordinary people.

Contrary to people's assumptions that he would be disheartened after being thoroughly defeated by Dang Ran-yeong, Cheong-ra had been thinking about Dang Ran-yeong the entire time he was recovering. To be precise, he had been slowly recalling and savoring the moments when he was brutally crushed and defeated by Dang Ran-yeong. There were times when he would bury his face in the blanket, panting shallowly from excitement in the middle of the night.

The helplessness of being unable to resist despite his best efforts against an overwhelmingly strong opponent, the situation of being completely broken and dominated. The gaze looking down on him as he lay fallen on the ground. Every time he recalled those moments, his legs would tingle, and blood would rush to his lower abdomen.

Knowing that it would be difficult to experience such a situation again, Cheong-ra tried his best to remember each moment without forgetting. The beautiful face, slightly flushed and with moist eyes, suddenly sighed.

'Everything was good. But something was lacking...'

In fact, not everything about the situation back then was completely satisfactory. The lingering pain in his body was unpleasant and uncomfortable, and there was a feeling of not being fully fulfilled. Nevertheless, Cheong-ra had never felt as satisfied in his life as he did at that moment.

It was joyful and delightful to receive the affection and trust of his master, uncle, senior brothers and sisters, and junior brothers, as well as everyone else. However, that alone couldn't completely fill the emptiness in Cheong-ra's heart. He needed something beyond affection and trust. Even though he knew he needed more than that, Cheong-ra couldn't recall what it was specifically.

After fighting and being defeated, was there nothing else to do but tend to the painful wounds?

Since he would get sexually aroused in such situations, he wondered if he actually desired to be violated. But that didn't seem to be the case either.

Honestly, he couldn't say that he had never imagined being violated in his twisted fantasies. He had imagined it a few times.

However, violation... That was on a different level from simply winning or losing a fight. Cheong-ra couldn't bring himself to do something that would cause his honor to fall to that extent. No matter how perfect that person was in many ways...

Cheong-ra rarely even masturbated. When he thought about how hideous he would look if he lost his senses and became excited, indulging in momentary pleasure, he couldn't bring himself to do it. How much worse would it be to do something even more than that? Sharing intimacy with that person in any way would be like driving his life straight into the ground.

"Dang Ran-yeong..."

Yet, even as he thought that, his heart raced when he recalled that person. Cheong-ra, who had been lying on the bed, abruptly sat up and paced around his quarters before picking up the zither. Would he be able to meet that person again? If he could fight him one more time...

Reflecting those feelings, a somewhat rough yet beautiful melody flowed from his fingertips as he plucked the strings for a long time.

***

Seven more days passed, and his body had recovered to some extent. During that time, Cheong-ra had calmed his heart that had been stirred by Dang Ran-yeong. Then, his familiar insomnia returned. He thought his body and mindset had completely returned to normal, but it seemed different to those around him.

"Cheong-ra, let's go visit Little Lake (Soho) tomorrow."

Ju Mu-gwang, who had been loitering nearby while Cheong-ra was training, casually suggested. After finishing his form, Cheong-ra wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel and replied.

"Why Little Lake?"

"Just thought we could have a change of pace?"

Cheong-ra looked at Ju Mu-gwang with a puzzled expression. Ju Mu-gwang, his closest friend, had a large physique and a fierce appearance that always led to misunderstandings from those who didn't know him, as his facial expressions rarely changed. Moreover, he didn't dress neatly, which added to the misconception.

However, contrary to those misunderstandings, Ju Mu-gwang didn't enjoy drinking, dancing, or fighting. He had a taste for poetry, calligraphy, painting, and always behaved like a refined scholar. He was someone who enjoyed being at Moon Lake Sect and didn't like going down to Little Lake.

"Alright, let's go together."

Cheong-ra readily agreed, thinking that his friend wanted to have fun for a change. In fact, like Ju Mu-gwang, Cheong-ra didn't particularly enjoy going down to Little Lake either. It was because annoying incidents often occurred due to his followers and the guests who came to see him. Although the sudden suggestion was puzzling, thanks to it, Cheong-ra had a rather enjoyable time in Little Lake for the first time in a while before returning.

Two days later, his uncle visited with delicious food and shared stories about his experiences traveling around the martial arts world in his youth. Cheong-ra listened with interest to the anecdotes of his uncle competing with old masters who had now passed away. The next day, Song Geum-hye came and brushed Cheong-ra's hair beautifully, praising his appearance to the fullest before leaving.

A few days later, when Gong Hyeok-rin finally came with a lute, suggesting they play music together, Cheong-ra noticed something strange.

"Junior Brother Baek Ri, shall we share a beautiful friendship after a long time?"

"Great Senior Brother... You can't play the lute, can you?"

"What do you mean I can't? I've been diligently learning from Mu-gwang these days."

Although skeptical, Cheong-ra brought his cherished zither. And as expected, what followed was a disastrous performance that could hardly be called playing together. It was a performance where the skilled musician Cheong-ra had to struggle to match the baby-like steps of the other. After somehow finishing the performance, Cheong-ra flatly refused the request to play together again and asked bluntly.

"Why is everyone acting like this lately?"