Vol 5 Chapter 17

"Yes, that's not wrong. No, it's rather correct. But do you know how it feels to see a friend you grew up with like a brother suddenly change and die before your eyes? I want to go home too. I want to leave this place quickly. But, but I can't go there! My feet just won't move!"

As Rex shook his body violently with his eyes wide open, the loose sleeve where one arm was missing flapped wildly.

"Can't you just tell me verbally? There must be some other way."

How could one find a path described only in words in a forest where the paths kept changing? Rex seemed to know this himself, yet his pleading appearance felt pitiful, but at the same time, Kapros felt a sense of kinship. It was an emotion he had been feeling since hearing about Rex's past from Bold.

'...It's similar.'

In what had happened to Rex and his current attitude, Kapros recalled his own past. Rex's fear of going to the forbidden area and his desire to avoid it, in every aspect, reminded Kapros of himself before encountering MIST.

The traffic accident that had completely changed his fate. Jeong Seung-jo had been like a brother to him, and they had been so close that until that incident happened, he hadn't even known Seung-jo harbored such anger towards him.

Because of that, after Seung-jo disappeared, Kapros suffered daily, acutely feeling the absence of someone who had been by his side. In the end, he couldn't even graduate from school properly, took the GED, and entered university, so the impact of that single incident on him could be described as truly enormous.

After that, until he encountered MIST, he spent every day without any meaning. It was only recently that he had changed his thinking to believe that there might be something that could resolve that incident.

It took that long for him to finally face the past properly, discard what needed to be discarded, and gain the realization that he should walk towards the future. The time wasted for that simple, small realization. His attitude during that time was not much different from Rex's just now.

"I just can't hold a sword. How can you say you understand my feelings? Please leave me alone. I just... want to forget."

Those were the words Kapros had uttered when his master visited the hospital daily with a wooden sword, trying to help him overcome his strong trauma about swords. After that, his master couldn't bring himself to openly ask Kapros again if he would try holding a sword.

Kapros looked at Rex, who had his head bowed low, with mixed feelings. If he could understand Rex's state of mind, he understood it all too well, and if he couldn't, he couldn't at all.

'What should I do?'

Persuading Rex was essential for the quest to progress. However, he felt that it couldn't be done with just common persuasive phrases and acting. Not because he really couldn't do it, but because if he persuaded Rex with lies, it would feel like mocking and deceiving himself, who had gone through a similar incident to get here.

But how much should he say? His case and Rex's were similar but also different. He had no idea what to say or how to say it.

'If I had Kran's eloquence, it would have been easier at times like this.'

For the first time, he genuinely felt uncomfortable about his lack of eloquence. If he could speak as well as Kran, he would have been able to filter the numerous emotions he was feeling now and express them in appropriate language.

While pondering silently, looking down, a thought suddenly occurred to him.

'I don't know if this will work, but.'

Kapros rolled up his sleeves and showed both his palms to Rex. Surprised by the sudden action, Rex's eyes widened.

"What are you doing?"

"These are calluses."

Although many had disappeared by now, the biggest traces of the past still remained there.

On his hands were many calluses formed from holding a sword since childhood. Although he had quit kendo now, the calluses remained like scars, not disappearing, reminding him of how he had lived in the past.

"So what about those calluses?"

"These were formed because I used to hold a sword in the past. I've quit now. But does that mean my past of holding a sword disappears?"

"How could something you've already done disappear?"

"Then, if I don't look at these calluses, does it mean my past of learning swordsmanship never existed?"

"That's the same thing. Just because you don't look, it doesn't mean the past never happened."

"Actually, I didn't quit learning swordsmanship in a good way, and I don't like these calluses at all. I thought it would be nice to cut them off with a knife."

Kapros spoke seriously, but Rex smirked with an incredulous expression.

"If you cut them off, you'll just bleed, won't you?"

"Then what should I do? No matter how much I try not to look at my palms, the past of holding a sword doesn't disappear, and if I try to remove these calluses, I'll just bleed. Now, instead of using a sword, I want to cook."

The talk about cooking was something he had just made up, but it seemed unnecessary for everything to be factual when making an analogy.

"I don't understand what you're trying to ask. Why are you trying to remove the calluses? Those calluses might be helpful for cooking too. Won't you get calluses again no matter what you do? So you should just leave them be and cook."

Yes. This was the answer he wanted. Kapros smiled faintly. Rex, who saw his smile directly, suddenly stopped speaking and closed his mouth as if sensing something suspicious.

"Yes, the calluses might be helpful for cooking. Even though when I actually tried, they weren't really helpful."

"You, what are you trying to say..."

"I think that saying the calluses might be helpful for doing other things is like saying that past wounds could become the foundation for the future."

After a long silence, Rex asked in a low voice.

"Why does that statement work out that way...?"