Vol 6 Chapter 41

"For someone who says 'last time' so easily, you're really good at starting things! You have to see me tomorrow anyway, don't you? Are you not going to? Well, I don't care either."

When Kapros had said these words, Seung-jo would always freeze for a moment, then slowly turn his head to look at him, and finally open his lips that had hesitated several times as he approached.

"..."

Yes. Just like... now...?

'Oh no!'

Kapros stiffened in surprise as he belatedly realized the habitual words that had unconsciously slipped out. This couldn't be. Though he thought he had completely forgotten those words spoken years ago, could habits be this frightening? He never imagined he would be caught like this by something he clearly thought he had forgotten.

"You..."

Caesar, who had been looking down at Kapros with frozen blue eyes, repeatedly closed his mouth, unable to continue what he was trying to say. Surprise, tension, and countless other emotions were clearly visible in Caesar's strangely contorted expression. Though hidden by his hood, Kapros was feeling similar emotions.

"What... did you just say?"

Hearing that voice like the calm before a storm, Kapros decided that since the water was already spilled, he could only proceed brazenly.

"Weren't you the one who followed and fought our side first, and now you're telling me to get lost as you please? Even if we're enemies, which tune am I supposed to dance to? You surely don't think I'll move exactly as you say."

"Not that. What did you just say before?"

What came back was an ice-cold gaze that had become truly serious, despite Kapros's attempt to divert attention.

At this point, Kapros couldn't help but become serious as well.

"What do you mean? That we'll see each other later anyway since we're doing the same quest..."

"Before that."

Complex emotions passed through in a brief moment. Could you also still remember those words? Was it okay to think that?

Though numerous thoughts whirled through his mind, what came out in the end was a single phrase from lips uncharacteristically curved upward.

'Fine. I'll tell you.'

To be honest, he was curious about how the guy would react upon hearing it.

"You mean when I asked why you started if you're going to say 'last time' so easily?"

Caesar closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. Kapros thought he read some painful sign in that expressionless face that matched his own. Its name was...

"...That's impossible."

Caesar slowly uttered.

"Of course it was impossible. ...Ha."

Making a sound as if dumbfounded, he slowly slid down to sit where he stood. Though Kapros couldn't see the expression of the man who covered his face with one hand, he couldn't speak either as his own fist trembled beneath his robe.

The emotion Kapros had felt the moment he spoke those words that were like a past habit, the emotion he thought he saw in Caesar as well - its name was nostalgia for the past.

Only Kapros knew that Caesar was Jeong Seung-jo. In his imagination after Seung-jo disappeared abroad, he had always pictured him doing well there, which made him resent him more, but the man before his eyes didn't look like he had been doing well at all. Though he still had delicate and sharp features that seemed like they would break if touched, his eyes were dark underneath and his face was rough.

Though he had tried to pretend not to notice, these were the things that had clearly registered in his eyes.

He thought back to when he visited Seung-jo's house. The dark house that wasn't properly cleaned, the bottles lying around inside. He remembered the text on the label that had glinted in the dim light when he had picked up one of those bottles his hand had found while wrestling on the floor.

What was written on the label's surface was the name of a high-proof alcohol.

"..."

Emotions that flowed down hot and sticky beyond words choked his throat. And in the moment he exhaled to settle that pain and release the numbness, he spoke impulsive words he would never have said normally.

"You really are a strange one."

"..."

"Is this how you play alone because you have no friends?"

At those words, Caesar raised his head. If it had been the usual Caesar, he would have shown anger or sneered and escaped, but now he just maintained a forced expressionless face as if barely suppressing something.

Kapros gathered and swallowed the sticky emotions still trickling down and stinging his throat, then unclenched his fist and held out his hand. Caesar looked at the hand extended before him.

Finally, Kapros managed to raise the corners of his mouth in a smile. Though he didn't know what he was saying, his mouth moved slowly on its own, like an organ independent of his brain.

"This seems like a chance too. Want to play with me?"

After staring at Kapros's hand for a long while, Caesar quietly stood up. Though Kapros was grateful his lungs hadn't burst and tried to calm his throbbing head, he couldn't help his heart both feeling disappointed and relieved that the guy hadn't taken his hand.

"If you don't want to, fine. But let's not attack later."

Just as he was about to slowly close and withdraw his extended fingertips, a sudden hand shot out and grabbed his.

When he raised his head, he saw Caesar wearing a strange expression. He seemed to want to say something while looking down at his own hand, but in the end, no words passed between them.

After a long while, Kapros let out a long breath that had been racing hot and quietly turned to start walking. He heard the sound of Caesar's heavy footsteps following, dragged along by his grip on Kapros's arm.

That weight. The sensation of having one person hanging on made his whole body heavy from the end of his gripped arm. Kapros thought that even he no longer knew what he wanted to do.

They walked for a long time without saying anything. A strange silence circled between Caesar and Kapros. A tension that wasn't awkward but wasn't comfortable either was felt across the single point of contact between their hands. Nevertheless, Kapros didn't feel the will to shake off the hand first. Though he couldn't know what Caesar was thinking either, he simply followed quietly without asking anything about where Kapros was walking.